Colorless Dreams

In bare empty dreams, where the primitive of feelings stripped of all things ‘civilized’, I saw myself standing in the dark. Scared.
Scared of my own feelings.
I tried to shake them off, I jerked in my sleep, tried to shake me awake. But they waited in the awakened world as well.

Almost in a surrealistic setup, the world has now stepped into a future we thought was far off. The future that was meant to be for some generations yet to be born. And who cares for unborn people? We barely care for the existing living ones. And it was always meant to be for ‘them’, not ‘us’. They will suffer, they were the sinners, they abandoned God and God abandoned them. Not us, we are the loved ones, we are the rightful heirs to the throne. God too varies, how many Gods live here, amongst people of all kinds? Threatening to be the one true one. Promising the heaven we all so dearly crave. Better off people with better off faiths. Fallen people with fallen faiths. Better and fallen, too, takes imaginations lacking no limits. Who better to one, filthy to another. Believing in no faith can become a faith too.

In this corner of the world, the supposed ‘third world’ that I live in, there are billions of people fighting to feed themselves. In this search of a better life, unwilling to pay attention to the call of the hour.
As I am writing this, sitting in my secured home, it is obvious I am one of the lucky ones. Sitting at a distance while the chaos is still somewhat “un” shook. Unbuttoned sloppiness. Mistrust. Century old untangled mess. So tangled everything, that nobody even dares to look at the clutter. So it just keeps piling up.
I don’t know yet what will be our casualty. What will be our number. Our darkness has fallen over us long ago, and now it is hard to place a new darkness in our home. Our beautiful tiny little home.
Do we have a contingency plan? Do we have a plan? I don’t know yet. I just have to see things for myself, with billions of people cramped in, in our spaced out home, of all classes and religions. With the largest refugee shelter in the world, another twelve lakh people who don’t even have what we have. A place to call home…

So I fear. I fear my own feelings. I don’t know if I have the strength to bear them.
But that too is a luxury, isn’t it?

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